Just Say No......Drugs and Falling off of a Roof

Like most people my age much of my youth was spent in the pursuit of obtaining better and better drugs...... Much like today's average Korean student chases straight A+'s I chased A+ drugs...... I know, I know...you are saying...how revolting....today we see people who use drugs as the subject of celebrity rehab or drooling on camera for TMZ and then becoming a punchline for a bad joke.........but in the mid 70's kids who used drugs saw it as a social calling......

Today I just can't do drugs.....stopped when I was 20 (except for the odd toke about every 5 years.....and oh yeah...Cocaine in the 80's...but that's another chapter..) ...if I take a hit now I go stunned..........I have chosen this word to become a non-descriptive and used it as a danglingparticiple or homeless (?) word but really...I do go stunned.......3 tokes gives me 3 days of uninterrupted duh........I have long since grown out of wanting to be like that..........

But in 76 drugs were fun....really they were.....they were not some escape to Neverland but were a way of connecting with your fellow friend.......

A side effect of all this connecting was often a lot of stupid shit...but hey......great stories to tell the Grand kids......they will think you're a Loon....but all the more lovable.... (" Hey did you know that Granny was a pothead once....?" Really...I shit you not...!"....but I digress..)

There are times when the events that happened to you would not have been possible were it not for drugs......or at least I would like to think of it this way....

In the summer of 76, me, Victor, Ray Lasell and I think Mike Graff got into Victor's little Blue Ford Truck.....we went down to the beach and the area around Ft Rodd Hill in Victoria......Ft Rodd had been built late in the 19th century to defend us from Russian whalers or some such shit....hard to believe that in the 19th century a boatload of Vodka soused Russian whalers posed that much of a national threat but hey.......who am I to knock a Federal boondoggle like building a gigantic fort in the hinterlands ostensibly to defend Canada's sovereignty from whalers or other sports fishermen....but I digress.....

On the Ft Rodd land there are a bunch of gun emplacements.....at one time they held a giant Howitzer of some sort......loaded and ready to obliterate any whaler that came even close.....these guns were long gone...(having never fired a shot I might add...) and what was left was the bunkers....concrete a foot thick.......(all built to repulse drunk Russian whalers and their weapon of choice..... a Trebuchet loaded with Whale blubber.....) ...anyways

These buildings all had flat concrete roofs.......all of which was the perfect perch to lay upon on a hot summer night to watch the stars....talk with your friends and get away from parents......

On this night...we all got up on a bunkers roof.....beautifully warm......stars were out....it was an idyllic night.......so we sparked up adoobie....and laid around to commune....

For some reason....my inner dialogue was saying to me...you need to roll over and look straight up at the stars.......go ahead......you deserve it....

At the time I was laying on my right side with my head propped up and into my hand.....

These were big wide flat roofs........Ithought...or at least my inner dialogue told me......and that I had plenty of room with which to roll over on........However reality was a bit different...

I was laying on my side right along the edge of the roof....all of which was about 15 feet above the rocks below......

We were talking in low, quiet, nearly conspiratorial tones....everyone was in eye contact with each other as we lounged upon that roof.....

So.......in the midst of the conversation......my inner dialogue said...Hey rollover and look at the stars.....Ok I said...trust the inner voice.. (NOT!)

So as we all talked about life, love, dislikes and the future....I rolled over and off of the roof.....

Now sometimes..... moments will last forever...and this was one of those moments.......I remember being about halfway through the roll and I noticed everyone else's eyes had become as big as fried eggs.......I think a nano second later I was pretty sure I had done something wrong......but was not sure entirely what it was.....

As I continued to roll past the edge of the roof and to slowly plummet to sure death I had the strangest recollection of thinking...hmm..this is a really dumb way to die.......and then that intermniable float/plummet to the rocks below....

How is it that time can stretch....?....and why is it that time stretches at these moments.....?.these and other cosmic questions trotted through my head as I sped towards certain death or possible disfigurement.....

CRACK....!!!! I hit the bare, craggy rocks below.....silence........was I dead...? was I horribly maimed.....? I could only hear the sounds of whispers coming from the roof above......."he rolled off the roof...did you see it...he fucking rolled off the fucking roof..."...

I lay there.....not sure if I should move...

I then started to chuckle.......above me and peering over the ledge.... 15 feet away.... a pair of eyes looked over and then another...and another....like a small family of Raccoon's peering into the garbage can I saw Victor, Ray and Mike look down at me, blinking in silent disbelief........"Are you ok...?"

Kids do the stupidest things....or...No rabbit is worth dying for.

I am ...without a doubt ....someone who as a kid did some pretty stupid things....I don't think I actually set out to do stupid things....stupid things just took place....not that I am blaming my stupidity on anyone else just that my stupidity was not intentional....I am too smart for that.....

As a kid I had a pet rabbit...Nibbles...(after Nibbles died he was replaced with another identical black rabbit who became Nibbles 2...however as a rabbit Nibbles 2 was a pain in the ass compared to Nibbles...who then became known as Nibbles 1...confused..?)

Every morning I would get up and let Nibbles run around the backyard....I think that Nibbles considered himself more of a sleek black low to the ground dog rather than a rabbit...but then again we will never know we will we......

Anyways.....it was the first day of grade three...I was dressed in my grade 3 best...In those days mothers dressed you to impress....god knows why .....as grade 3 has had little impact on my life other than ....well.......ummm....nothing really..

I was wearing the latest in stretch poly pants and a seersucker shirt.......Nibbles was running in the yard and I was sitting on the back stairs with a 3 inch pocket knife...whittling a piece of wood....I had recently seen Ol' Yeller and was deeply affected by the movie....even to the point where I had picked up certain affectations that were in the movie.... such as whittling....needless to say this skill has served me well throughout the years as whittling is one of the great social pastimes....especially when on holiday in the Ozarks.....

I was whittling...... Nibbles was running around getting his morning constitutional......And about a block away I spied a big brown dog trotting along the road....now this dog could not see me and could certainly not see Nibbles....however in my little pea-like brain my inner dialoguebegan to stir.....

What happens if the dog comes to the yard.....?....dogs hate rabbits...dogs will eat rabbits........ I will need to defend Nibbles from the ravages of this horrific rabbit munching dog........

While this retarded inner dialogue was going on I did not realize it but I had grabbed the knife in a stabbing grip and was mindlessly slashing at the air/pretend rabbit eating dog..... in an effort to protect life and limb of said Nibbles.....needless to say.......none of this threat was real at all.......the dog was oblivious to rabbit......and about a block away and Nibbles was happily pooping round pea sized turds on the lawn......

I on the other hand was inner dialoguing and actually stabbing the air/said imaginary dog and staving off the threat.....I was so engrossed in this idea of rabbit protection that I managed to stick myself with the knife well into my thigh severing a small but nonetheless impressively gushing artery.....

Ouch....fucking ouch....(I cannot remember the 8 year old equivalent but I know now I would say fuck...but then.....?)

I had driven the knife into my thigh and up to the hilt of the knife.........I pulled it out....In shock (and bleeding profusely) I went inside the house......My mother was in the midst of bawling out my brother for some transgression or other....(First day of school often brought complex emotions, parents and kids on a collision course...our family was no different..)

I said..."Mom!".....the reply..."Not now can't you see I'm busy"....."Mom....I stabbed myself...!"

A gasp.....a piercing stare from the mumster......"Oh my god....you put a hole in your new stretch poly pants.....!!!! I cannot repair that kind of material....what the hell do you think you are doing...?

Apparently, to my mother.... the thought of me bleeding to death was usurped by the fact I had cut a hole in the pants against the bias of the fabric which meant it would be difficult if not impossible to repair....this of course did not even take into account the ever-growing blood stain......I should have been more considerate.....

"Why the hell did you stab yourself!?"........at this point in the incident it really shouldn't matter why I did it...just that I did do it....and to perhaps move on to Triage or immediate amputation.....but then again......one must explain to one's mother why you do stupid stuff.......why can't they just accept that certain actions are just stupid and leave it at that...why ask.......?....anyways....I answered...

"There was a dog over on Agnes Street and it was thinking about attacking Nibbles and I was going to have to defend Nibbles from the dog....."

"What....where is the dog now...?"

"The dog......?.....the dog is someplace......" ...this is a stock kid answer when a kid does not want to admit to the fact that a) he doesn't know where the dog is or b) The attacking dog only exists in his 8 year old mind.......which of course is the same as point a)....

I guess at this point any parent finally gives up on trying to get a reasonable explanantion for such actions...no answer suffices or explains why their kid is so stupid as to stab themselves over an imaginary dog....hmmmm....

"Ok...get in the damn car........Do you know how hard it is going to be to fix those pants...? Those pants were on sale at Sears and I cannot replace them....."...Now get in the car and try not to bleed on the carpet...."

Its Only Rock and Roll.....

Much of my youth and early adulthood was spent playing in rock bands....I was the bass player and singer..... this was of course a recipe for trouble....

My first few bands were formed with my best friend...Victor Zupanc...

Victor is one of those unique people who is both crazed on the one side and the parents wet dream child on the other.......Victor has his Masters in Music composition and went through school with straight A's....he was also the craziest person I have yet to meet.....

When Victor was attending University for music we had a popular local band called The Tumours....long before political correctness took such a firm hold on society a name like The Tumours was seen as being.....well...rather snappy....Our motto was "They'll grow on you..."

Victor was in the final year of his 4 year bachelor program and life for him was tense....always the perfectionist, Victor was under a lot of pressure to make his final grades... superb....

At the same time as all of the above we had just finished recording the last album of The Tumours.....tracks had been surreptitiously recorded at the University's new million dollar studio....today the capabilities of that studio would fit on your I-pod but back in 80's these were world class facilities....and facilities that were definitely not for the use of Rock Bands.....that being said....

Victor was always one to play as close to the edge as anyone I knew.......night after night we snuck into the studio after the building was closed up...Victor would hide in the men's washroom until the security guard had locked up then he would come to the door at 1 a.m. and let us in.......to do this, we were definitely breaking laws.......

This B&E'ing went on for about 7 nights as we mixed down the tracks, overdubbed and did vocals....

On about the 6th night Victor was in the studio alone by himself when a Prof came in to use the studio...finding Victor madly mixing away rock music at about 100 Decibels the Prof was shocked and outraged.....the next day.......Victor was called up before the faculty board of the Music Department and summarily and in no uncertain terms told that NO MORE ROCK AND ROLL in the Universities studio or immediate dismissal would be possible.....

That next night, Victor and I got together to discuss the state of the unfinished album/tapes....he was panic stricken.....afraid that he would get tossed from the school.... Victor did not want to risk going back in the studio.....

I, on the other hand, had nothing to lose......so I lobbied Victor hard to risk just 1 more night to go in there and wrap it up....my lobbying took a few days but finally Victor caved..... ( I could usually get him to do so.....:)

"Ok" he said..."but we do one night....Midnight to Dawn and we get it all done...I am scared shitless and I can only risk it one more time....ok?"

I nodded approval.......

That night, Victor hid in the men's washroom as usual.....the midnight tour of the guard took place and as planned at 12:15 a.m. he opened up the school's studio doors and snuck us in.......I had my girlfriend, Barb, in tow......

Now ....one would think that with everything academic on the line a guy like Victor would play it as safe as humanly possible....no noise, keep the place clean......

But this was not Victor's style......I think it is possible that Victor had some oddly formed death wish.........when faced with a challenge .....Victor...one of the safest, most respectful people on the planet will always opt for the most ridiculous solution....

Case in point....

Into the studio we go, Victor me and Barb.....once inside Victor pulls out a gallon jug of homemade wine and 2 fat reefers....."Well....If I'm going get the boot" he says...."I am going out in style...!"

The wine flowed, the tape rolled, the sounds were being mixed and we were having a great time....

at around 3 a.m. Barb excused herself to go to the washroom....we barely missed her.....we were creating...!!...........right in the middle of a toke and about our 3rd or 4th glass of wine....the inner door to the studio creaked open ever so slowly.....

We looked up through the smokey haze of the pot filled studio ...thinking Barb would be walking back in....but no....it was a 60 year-old security guard....

He opened the door....we could tell he was afraid.....but he also knew he had a job to do.....he cautiously eyeballed me and Victor ........5 seconds of silence...the guard spoke..." Does either of you know a tall Blonde girl...?"

Both of us in unison......." a Blonde girl...? Nope...no Blonde girl......nope..we've never ever known one..."........stony silence all around....

I am sure that even the old guard knew this had to be wrong....afterall he did not just make up the whole "anybody know a blonde girl thing...."..........obviously he had caught Barb wandering the hall looking for the washroom.......surely she would have blabbed....he must think we are retards.....he was also sniffing the air and eyeing the open wine jug.....he could also be thinking we are drug addled break in artists........It was not looking good......I am sure if he had a Taser back then he would have Tasered us both........instead...he just jangled his 4 lb ring of keys......still the stony silence persisted...

Then Victor piped up..." A Blonde girl....oh yeah...a Blonde girl...sure we know a Blonde girl.....she's about this high...." holding his hand shoulder high.........(like there were other Blonde girls of various heights to be found wandering the halls...)

Stony silence hung in the room.......Victor broke it..." Yeah she's his girlfriend...." Pointing at me....

"Who are you ?" said the guard

Before I could answer, Victor spoke..." This is professor Graham...he's my faculty advisor...."

Now...at age 20...I did not look like any Prof I knew.....Even if I had been some boy genius graduating high school at age 12 I was still unlikely to pass the Professorial type........still...

"Well the police have the Blonde girl in the car outside and she seems a bit confused..." said the Guard....." we better go speak to the cops.."

"Of course " I said....standing up.......

As I walked to the door and the cops outside I was thinking this was it.....we were going to be arrested, break and enter, mischief, impersonating a Professor.....we were toast....and Victor was about to be expelled....

I followed the guard outside....there were 2 cop cars....lights flashing, radios crackling in the night air........I was in the lead with the guard at my heels.....

As we approached the cars....I could see Barb sitting in the backseat......the cops speaking to her....she was gesticulating wildly....this could not be good....

I spoke up as strongly as I could...."ahem...She's with me.." I said....the cop turned...."And who are you...?"

Before I could answer, the guard who was behind me piped up..." Its okay...Its professor Graham...."......

The cops bought it...hook , line and sinker........they released Barb into my "custody"......

The guard then let us back into the music studio where we found Victor trembling in fear......he knew he was toast.....

We continued our work and finished the album....as dawn broke we were about to leave....Victor feeling like he was going to go down with the ship decided he might as well make a final statement......."hey" said to me..."give me a hand..."......just before we left the building we grabbed one of the upright pianos from the studio, wheeled it out into the hall and then wheeled it into the women's washroom...." There.." He said......" That I'll show them....."

Victor did not get suspended and graduated with honours........will wonders ever cease..........