Starting Over.

Starting over....is it failure or fruition?

Really, of all of the challenges we face in our lives that involve other people it is the starting over that requires us to face our greatest fears and self doubt.

We ask ourselves so many questions...are we a failure at what we once had and are now moving away from?...or are we a serial crazy person unable to maintain our focus on one world, moving like grazing cattle from one relationship to the next?...or are we reinventing ourselves to best match our needs as our needs change and evolve......?

What are our needs?

Needs are what feeds our soul engine. It may sound odd to say that, but truly if you think about it, it is true.

Our soul engine, if you will, is the vessel which we draw from, to offer to others in our life, our best words, actions and feelings.

I use the words soul engine, not for its religious connotations but more as a word set to best describe what it is in ourselves that collects and disseminates our experiences and feelings and turns it into meaningful actions....

Our soul engine (for example), is what helps us to not only express to our kids what is good and bad..(that knowledge of Good and Bad comes from experience) but our soul engine gives us the ability to express to them why something is....in a manner in which we can help them to understand why we feel as we do......the logic being, we can tell them that crossing the street without looking is wrong....but when we look them in the eye and they see our soul letting them know that we really do care.......the soul.....makes the message make sense.....

For better or worse...the soul engine is seemingly a vessel that needs refilling....the most effective way is to do this daily by being with and around others who inspire, reading, experiencing and otherwise experiencing positive (and less so, negative) input.

In a relationship ..by its very definition, this "refilling" comes from being with a person who truly meets your inner needs........we spend so much of our life concerned about the outer needs....his/her genetics, their stature in the eyes of others etc....these are all admirable qualities and needed virtues, but ultimately it is not the best fuel for our souls........it leaves us hungry....always....

Oh yes....we can say that we can do all of this filling on our own....we don't need anyone etc.....but in my experience...the people with the most to give...the richest source of soul engine fuel...if you will...are those who actively engage with others in an intimate way.......taking and feeding from their words and input....

So what to do when we are no longer having our needs met and our soul engine is not being filled?....do we stay?...or start over...?

It is true.....on rare occasions that once the heart is lost in a relationship it can be rekindled.......but its also more often true........that this does not happen?.....the outcome of a relationship stymied is a soul engine in depletion......slowly but ever so certainly, running down like an unwound clock..........and then, there we stand.....

When we question our choices and voice our concerns....is he right for me?....am I getting what I need?.......all those type of questions that rise to the surface are not as a result of the others person failure, but by our own failure to surround ourselves with another (or others) who fill our soul engine as we need it done......so....do we see the end of something as a failure......or a fruition...? Did we fail to make the relationship work...? Or did the components and fuel of the relationship fail to fill our soul engine?

So....do we stay...or start over?