I definitely grew up in a different time.......As a teenager no one ever sat me down and had a good heart to heart about the evils of drugs, drink and dangling.......
The closest it came to was the odd conversation from parent and older teachers who said something to the effect...."...just be careful..."...what did that mean....? Be careful not to get caught...not to overdo it...what?...
In fact much of my bad behavior was encouraged......Cocaine was NOT addictive and seen as a good social drug...pot was mellow and really didn't have any health effects......and drinking....well drinking was a rite of passage....I suppose it still is...but in those days my peers and I made drinking more of a sport than a pastime....
I remember one night when I was about 15 years old.....Me, Mike Graff, Derek Gale and Danny MacDonald were out on a tear...now in those days....very few of us had drivers licences...so when Mike got his...he became the Designated (albeit equally inebriated..) Driver.....in those days it was seen more as a guideline rather than a rule.....
On one rainy fall night we all piled into Mikes Biscayne....a large behemoth of a car only Detroit in its heyday of stupidity could haveenvisioned....bench seat for 12....a trunk that could hold a cord of firewood......anyways
After cruising around...drinking, smoking and just generally being daft we went back to Danny MacDonald's house...Mogs (Danny) as he was known......well Mogs was unusual to say the least......he would do anything you challenged him to...just to prove he would do it....well duh..."here....betcha won't eat a slug?"..."Oh yeah...give me that Slug...chomp, chomp, chomp...."
But...I digress...that night we ended up back at Mog's house ......Mog's parent....(unfortunate people...) had just added a brand new addition to their home....they addition had an extra tall ceiling.....maybe 9 or 10 feet...floor to ceiling...
Well...in our teenage state someone said to Danny....."hey...I betch you can't touch the ceiling...?"
Never one to turn down a challenge.....(see slug eating..) of course Danny would try to do this.....with one running heave he launched himself skyward....arm and fist outstretch....Boom....he punches the ceilings drywall.....and puts a dent in it....
"Oh man....my Raisins are going kill me..." lamented Danny.....we all agreed....nodding....trying to show empathy but knowing full well we would be long gone before they got home....leaving Mogs to his uncertain, certain fate.......
The teenage brain went into overdrive....."Got any Bondo?...someone asked..."No...plaster" said another.......alas...nothing of the sort.....
What to do.....?
Mogs...in all of his genius....came to his own solution..." I know...I will go up in the attic and walk across the ceiling trusses and where the dent is I will push it flat....no one will know..."
Now..... even to an untrained eye this should be seen as a dodgy idea...but hey...when you're 15 and drunk.....anything seems reasonable....
So...with great encouragement we helped Danny get into the attic.......up he goes through the attic access door.......
" Can you hear me?" Danny shouts......We were only 10 feet below him but I think Danny thought we were across the county........."uh huh..." we collectively agreed....."Ok...I am now walking across the rafters......as I get closer to the dented ceiling I will tap on the drywall with my foot.....when I am close ...tell me..K?"
"uh huh..."
1 rafter, tap, tap, tap....2 rafters, tap, tap, tap....rafter #3...tap, tap...ahhhhhhh.......a leg comes crashing through the ceiling spewing drywall and insulation across the new room.....nano seconds later...the other leg the same.......Mogs was dangling through the ceiling...his privates straddling the ceiling truss.....his legs jerking spasmodically in mid-air.......it looked like someone had stuck the back half of a halloween Horse costume to the ceiling......
" Fuck...I am a deadman....."
"Uh huh...." (That was an understatement.....)
Getting Mogs to put his legs through the ceiling was not nearly as hard as getting Mogs entire body back down to earth........
he was screaming....partly from the anticipation of pain to come but also cuz his balls were squished beneath him and against a sturdy 2 by 8......
We pull, cajoled, came up with proposed solutions but in the end...there was no way else to get him down but to pull him entirely through the roof.....CRUNCH.....as he crashed through the ceiling.....landing on his head with a bone jarring thud.........
Suddenly.....quiet.....
A certain fatal realization overtook us all.........Fuck...how do you explain this one....?
Like roaches do when the kitchen light turns on....each of us scurried towards the door......." Gotta Go......Hey...lets meet at the park tomorrow at 2...? K?"
We all nodded...including Mogs.......But...in our heart of hearts we knew that as sure as shit sticks to a shingle there would only be 3 of us meeting.....probably to honour a fallen comrade...
The next came like any other for most of us.........the first thought was about last night...about Mogs.....was he dead yet....or were his parent engaged in some insiduous form of torture that we could only imagine.....
2 O'clock....off to the park...I arrived to find Mike already there...Derek was quck to follow.....no Danny...he was dead......
Then without warning....a familiar voice came from around the corner......
"Hey....oh wow!"...the voice was unmistakable......"Mogs!!" we screamed..."you're alive!?"
" Oh wow....what a trip..."...." I had no idea what to tell my parents when they got home...but then I came up with a great idea...!"
What was it....we asked....
"Well....I told my parents that I heard a rat upstairs and went up to investigate....it was HUUGE and I was being chased and fell throught the roof...."
stunned.....silence.......
That was it.....that was how he got off....they bought that...?
'Don't believe ya..." was our general response...."No man....they bought it.......they really bought it........afterall.....would they really believe the true story.....?"
Hmmmmmmm he may have a point there.......
The closest it came to was the odd conversation from parent and older teachers who said something to the effect...."...just be careful..."...what did that mean....? Be careful not to get caught...not to overdo it...what?...
In fact much of my bad behavior was encouraged......Cocaine was NOT addictive and seen as a good social drug...pot was mellow and really didn't have any health effects......and drinking....well drinking was a rite of passage....I suppose it still is...but in those days my peers and I made drinking more of a sport than a pastime....
I remember one night when I was about 15 years old.....Me, Mike Graff, Derek Gale and Danny MacDonald were out on a tear...now in those days....very few of us had drivers licences...so when Mike got his...he became the Designated (albeit equally inebriated..) Driver.....in those days it was seen more as a guideline rather than a rule.....
On one rainy fall night we all piled into Mikes Biscayne....a large behemoth of a car only Detroit in its heyday of stupidity could haveenvisioned....bench seat for 12....a trunk that could hold a cord of firewood......anyways
After cruising around...drinking, smoking and just generally being daft we went back to Danny MacDonald's house...Mogs (Danny) as he was known......well Mogs was unusual to say the least......he would do anything you challenged him to...just to prove he would do it....well duh..."here....betcha won't eat a slug?"..."Oh yeah...give me that Slug...chomp, chomp, chomp...."
But...I digress...that night we ended up back at Mog's house ......Mog's parent....(unfortunate people...) had just added a brand new addition to their home....they addition had an extra tall ceiling.....maybe 9 or 10 feet...floor to ceiling...
Well...in our teenage state someone said to Danny....."hey...I betch you can't touch the ceiling...?"
Never one to turn down a challenge.....(see slug eating..) of course Danny would try to do this.....with one running heave he launched himself skyward....arm and fist outstretch....Boom....he punches the ceilings drywall.....and puts a dent in it....
"Oh man....my Raisins are going kill me..." lamented Danny.....we all agreed....nodding....trying to show empathy but knowing full well we would be long gone before they got home....leaving Mogs to his uncertain, certain fate.......
The teenage brain went into overdrive....."Got any Bondo?...someone asked..."No...plaster" said another.......alas...nothing of the sort.....
What to do.....?
Mogs...in all of his genius....came to his own solution..." I know...I will go up in the attic and walk across the ceiling trusses and where the dent is I will push it flat....no one will know..."
Now..... even to an untrained eye this should be seen as a dodgy idea...but hey...when you're 15 and drunk.....anything seems reasonable....
So...with great encouragement we helped Danny get into the attic.......up he goes through the attic access door.......
" Can you hear me?" Danny shouts......We were only 10 feet below him but I think Danny thought we were across the county........."uh huh..." we collectively agreed....."Ok...I am now walking across the rafters......as I get closer to the dented ceiling I will tap on the drywall with my foot.....when I am close ...tell me..K?"
"uh huh..."
1 rafter, tap, tap, tap....2 rafters, tap, tap, tap....rafter #3...tap, tap...ahhhhhhh.......a leg comes crashing through the ceiling spewing drywall and insulation across the new room.....nano seconds later...the other leg the same.......Mogs was dangling through the ceiling...his privates straddling the ceiling truss.....his legs jerking spasmodically in mid-air.......it looked like someone had stuck the back half of a halloween Horse costume to the ceiling......
" Fuck...I am a deadman....."
"Uh huh...." (That was an understatement.....)
Getting Mogs to put his legs through the ceiling was not nearly as hard as getting Mogs entire body back down to earth........
he was screaming....partly from the anticipation of pain to come but also cuz his balls were squished beneath him and against a sturdy 2 by 8......
We pull, cajoled, came up with proposed solutions but in the end...there was no way else to get him down but to pull him entirely through the roof.....CRUNCH.....as he crashed through the ceiling.....landing on his head with a bone jarring thud.........
Suddenly.....quiet.....
A certain fatal realization overtook us all.........Fuck...how do you explain this one....?
Like roaches do when the kitchen light turns on....each of us scurried towards the door......." Gotta Go......Hey...lets meet at the park tomorrow at 2...? K?"
We all nodded...including Mogs.......But...in our heart of hearts we knew that as sure as shit sticks to a shingle there would only be 3 of us meeting.....probably to honour a fallen comrade...
The next came like any other for most of us.........the first thought was about last night...about Mogs.....was he dead yet....or were his parent engaged in some insiduous form of torture that we could only imagine.....
2 O'clock....off to the park...I arrived to find Mike already there...Derek was quck to follow.....no Danny...he was dead......
Then without warning....a familiar voice came from around the corner......
"Hey....oh wow!"...the voice was unmistakable......"Mogs!!" we screamed..."you're alive!?"
" Oh wow....what a trip..."...." I had no idea what to tell my parents when they got home...but then I came up with a great idea...!"
What was it....we asked....
"Well....I told my parents that I heard a rat upstairs and went up to investigate....it was HUUGE and I was being chased and fell throught the roof...."
stunned.....silence.......
That was it.....that was how he got off....they bought that...?
'Don't believe ya..." was our general response...."No man....they bought it.......they really bought it........afterall.....would they really believe the true story.....?"
Hmmmmmmm he may have a point there.......
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