WTF....What the fuck...!...I say this as this is the new way (WTF) to say what the fuck....I always thought that wtf would be only used in a conversation...but apparently not.....why is this....? I can tell you why...its because we are in a new era of greying juveniles.....
When I was a kid I looked at older people (50) and we referred to them as "Raisins"...why...because they were picked over grapes, left to dry and shrivel....good for bowel movements and not much else......my how the world has changed...WTF....
50 and single...what does that mean.....well...let me tell you its no picnic out there......this is like grade 8 all over except the toys and ploys are so much grander..........I recently spent an evening in a local beach community...I used to go there 25 years ago to bang my girlfriend on the beach late at night.....I could do this at that time as most of the residents were neatly tucked in their beds.....sleeping away, hooked up to their CPAP machines....the only other night time prowlers were people my age looking to find a place to bang their babes (or in turn to be banged I suppose...)...On my return to this beach town the world had turned....and I am not sure for the better.........oh I am sure the residents were tucked into their beds, but the residents were now 30ish and sleeping on a Saturday night as they had no money left after paying their mortgage to go out with....a quiet night with a Blu Ray, the wife and a nice Chianti......the town though...was far from quiet .....
Who was there were the same people that had tried to bang on the beach so many years ago.........except they were now grey......(ing).........and that's not just it....It wasn't as if my mother had shown up there looking 50, wearing a silver wig and a muu muu....no this was full blown middle-aged teens.......WTF....guys 50-60 wearing Billabong board shorts with a T-shirt saying Anti-Everything and a Ball cap on backwards......I looked closely...I am sure one of these guys is my accountant......sitting in a bar/restaurant....I was surrounded by them....men in Bad ass motherfucking outfits...all very clean and some still with the tags on them...and women.....yes women....all dialed up....this is not my mothers world...WTF....these women came in all shapes and sizes as one might expect....but for many they had it dialed......they were buff and bronzed.....bootylicous and breathtaking.......these were not the high school babes...no those girls were long gone to the world of Jenny Craig....these were the ugly ducklings who (through Pilate's and cosmetic surgery at times..) had finally become the Swan.....WTF
So how can I snare one of these babes and secret her of to the beach to bang......whoa...apparently not so fast Kimosabe...( I think that's what Tonto would say if he was Japanese.) ....it takes a whole lot of coin to make a 55 year old board short wearing account look hot......and what do dweeb board short wearing bad ass motherfucking t-shirt wearing ball cap backwards accountants spend the money on....? Harleys....Fucking Harleys........WTF.....there was a time , not so long ago when the world was right and just, when the Harley was the domain of the loner, the greaseball, the biker.....the resident fuck up....it was a sure bet that when you heard that a rumblin' sound comin down the road straddling it would be some gap-toothed borderline personality sporting a nasty ass Tatt that said "Born To Lose".......you could count on it.....
Well no more........
Now the HD (Harley Davidson) is a sign of male emancipation.....it says.......I am a rich dweeb board short wearing bad ass motherfucking t-shirt wearing ball cap backwards wearing accountant loaded to the gunwales with Viagara and a Platinum Amex......Don't fuck with me........Ok I say.......got it.....
Where's my Mom....?
How does one compete in an atmosphere such as this.....women with more testosterone than men, men who are so stupid to spend all that cash on a 1200 cc behemoth capable of decapitating you with just one wrong turn of the forks......is it the danger these people crave........what do they talk about to make themselves sound even more dangerous........I can only think my accountant may have a conversation like this...." well last week was brutal....I had a client who has this motherfucking massive off shore account...and RevCan is seriously trying to dick him around.....so I got on the blower and told that fuckwad of a snivel servant to lick my boots...there was no fuckin way we were going to let him or anyother swinging dick have a look at the books......fuck them and all who look like them......hey btw...want to take a spin on my Harley.......?"
I think this approach might work......although without the Harley my conversation would swap out a Toyaota Camry for the Harley and the whole danger thing would collapse in upon itself.....(as a side note the Camry has won the JD Powers award for the safest car in a mid sized class for 7 years running....this is not really the stuff to tell a testosterone laden 50ish babe to get her all wet....)
So....what to do.......I can wait a couple of years and save up for a Harley........or come up with a brand new plan........tell you what.........let me think this over and I will get back to you with the final outcome........ok......
WTF
When I was a kid I looked at older people (50) and we referred to them as "Raisins"...why...because they were picked over grapes, left to dry and shrivel....good for bowel movements and not much else......my how the world has changed...WTF....
50 and single...what does that mean.....well...let me tell you its no picnic out there......this is like grade 8 all over except the toys and ploys are so much grander..........I recently spent an evening in a local beach community...I used to go there 25 years ago to bang my girlfriend on the beach late at night.....I could do this at that time as most of the residents were neatly tucked in their beds.....sleeping away, hooked up to their CPAP machines....the only other night time prowlers were people my age looking to find a place to bang their babes (or in turn to be banged I suppose...)...On my return to this beach town the world had turned....and I am not sure for the better.........oh I am sure the residents were tucked into their beds, but the residents were now 30ish and sleeping on a Saturday night as they had no money left after paying their mortgage to go out with....a quiet night with a Blu Ray, the wife and a nice Chianti......the town though...was far from quiet .....
Who was there were the same people that had tried to bang on the beach so many years ago.........except they were now grey......(ing).........and that's not just it....It wasn't as if my mother had shown up there looking 50, wearing a silver wig and a muu muu....no this was full blown middle-aged teens.......WTF....guys 50-60 wearing Billabong board shorts with a T-shirt saying Anti-Everything and a Ball cap on backwards......I looked closely...I am sure one of these guys is my accountant......sitting in a bar/restaurant....I was surrounded by them....men in Bad ass motherfucking outfits...all very clean and some still with the tags on them...and women.....yes women....all dialed up....this is not my mothers world...WTF....these women came in all shapes and sizes as one might expect....but for many they had it dialed......they were buff and bronzed.....bootylicous and breathtaking.......these were not the high school babes...no those girls were long gone to the world of Jenny Craig....these were the ugly ducklings who (through Pilate's and cosmetic surgery at times..) had finally become the Swan.....WTF
So how can I snare one of these babes and secret her of to the beach to bang......whoa...apparently not so fast Kimosabe...( I think that's what Tonto would say if he was Japanese.) ....it takes a whole lot of coin to make a 55 year old board short wearing account look hot......and what do dweeb board short wearing bad ass motherfucking t-shirt wearing ball cap backwards accountants spend the money on....? Harleys....Fucking Harleys........WTF.....there was a time , not so long ago when the world was right and just, when the Harley was the domain of the loner, the greaseball, the biker.....the resident fuck up....it was a sure bet that when you heard that a rumblin' sound comin down the road straddling it would be some gap-toothed borderline personality sporting a nasty ass Tatt that said "Born To Lose".......you could count on it.....
Well no more........
Now the HD (Harley Davidson) is a sign of male emancipation.....it says.......I am a rich dweeb board short wearing bad ass motherfucking t-shirt wearing ball cap backwards wearing accountant loaded to the gunwales with Viagara and a Platinum Amex......Don't fuck with me........Ok I say.......got it.....
Where's my Mom....?
How does one compete in an atmosphere such as this.....women with more testosterone than men, men who are so stupid to spend all that cash on a 1200 cc behemoth capable of decapitating you with just one wrong turn of the forks......is it the danger these people crave........what do they talk about to make themselves sound even more dangerous........I can only think my accountant may have a conversation like this...." well last week was brutal....I had a client who has this motherfucking massive off shore account...and RevCan is seriously trying to dick him around.....so I got on the blower and told that fuckwad of a snivel servant to lick my boots...there was no fuckin way we were going to let him or anyother swinging dick have a look at the books......fuck them and all who look like them......hey btw...want to take a spin on my Harley.......?"
I think this approach might work......although without the Harley my conversation would swap out a Toyaota Camry for the Harley and the whole danger thing would collapse in upon itself.....(as a side note the Camry has won the JD Powers award for the safest car in a mid sized class for 7 years running....this is not really the stuff to tell a testosterone laden 50ish babe to get her all wet....)
So....what to do.......I can wait a couple of years and save up for a Harley........or come up with a brand new plan........tell you what.........let me think this over and I will get back to you with the final outcome........ok......
WTF
No comments:
Post a Comment