Sometimes there are moments in ones life that are best left forgotten....perhaps it is those moments of romance where one falls a sleep while making love (I was tired...!) or the time you were 16 and talking to your Mother while very high and had a discrete burp which produced a small, rather bluish haze of a cloud of inhaled pot smoke that was expelled into her face....(trust me...no more evidence of guilt can be stated...) ...however there are moments when one really does look back and ask......what the hell was I thinking?....these vignettes I will call...Moments best left forgotten...
Romance is always a good place for moments best left forgotten....especialy when you are young and first dating....(I suspect old and dating will also have its moments....but that is yet to come..)
The first thing that comes to mind is when I was dating Nona....Nona was (and presumably still is...) a really wonderful girl.....she put up with me for 2 years...I was 18, she 17........One Saturday afternoon I went over to Nona's house......There was Mrs T (Nona's mom...) and her 24 year old brother Glen living there......it was about 3 in the afternoon....I went straight through the front door and into the house without knocking.....it was an open and friendly home......In the kitchen Mrs. T was puttering around.....I asked her..."where's Nona..?"...
"Oh hi John...I didn't hear you knock..."....(ok...maybe not as friendly as I thought...) ......"Nona is down in the back bedroom having a nap....."
Bonus! I thought......Mrs. T was half deaf and respected Nona's privacy....This was a good solid chance for afternoon sex......I would sneak in on her while she slept and quietly take off my jeans, I would talk a little dirty...(not porn movie dirty, more sexy snookums yum yum dirty...come to think of it...I am not even sure that non porn movie talk is dirty or juts plain retarded but hey....I digress....).... and then slip under the covers......Oh yeah....
I crept down the hallway with tennis shoe stealth....I turned the bedroom door handle with a slow and steady hand, making sure to not let the handle mechanism spring back.....I gently swung the door open....careful to not wake her....
There she was.....totally under the covers, trying to avoid the little midday daylight that crept into the room ......just a tuft of her brown tossled hair left poking out above the covers.......
I was in the room........I unbuckled and let my jeans fall to the floor....my tightie whities still left on....a noticable manthing pitching its first tent of the day....
I started to coo...first almost a whisper...but it was a definite sexual cooing....I came to the side of the bed and gingerly put one knee on the matress followed by another....(my knees just in case you missed the point...)and then started to seductively slither on top of her.........she stirred.....I place more weight onto the top bedding covers.....placing my grinding hips on top of where hers would be....only now separated by the bedding......more inviting sounds emanating from beneath the quilt.....I continued to talk lasciviously....
With my groin grinding into the covers , my face just inches from her hidden face...I slowly pulled down the the covers from her face....my breath warm on her face......I imagined planting warm, suckling kisses onto her newly exposed neck.....
I inched the covers down past her hairline.....
" Get the fuck off of me.....!!!!" a male voice bellowed...
Omigod...I was on top of her brother, Glen........
" What the fuck are you doing....? Were you just rubbing me...?"
Before I could answer, the commotion obviously alerting the rest of the house, the bedroom door flung open.....Nona' was standing in the doorway looking down at me, I firmly planted on top of her brother...pinning him beneath the sheets...
"John...what the hell are you doing...?" she said.........
Some moments I think, defy explanation.....
I am starting to think as I write this that for some reason many of my Moments best left forgotten are centered around sex or a romantic situation....I must explore that later...
Part Deux
I was 17 years old....
My generation was appalling lacking in good sexual knowledge.....we were schooled on myth, lengend, assumption and just plain old ignorance......perhaps that explains the next moment....
She was only my second sexual partner......My first was Rene who left me for another girl.....not the best way to bolster one's sexual prowess.....but... I move on....
She...and I say she, as I truly don't remember her name......She was a hippyesque girl...long red hair....all peasant dress and patchouli....we were at my parents home on a quiet afternoon.....my parents were away on holiday and had left me to my own devices......
It is interesting when you are young and there is raw sexual energy in the air..... I am not sure that sense of animal lust ever comes back quite the same way...(certainly it doesn't if you marry or are a Catholic...) ....it is a raw thing....and a raw thing tied to total inexperience can make for a heady experience...
I remember she and I being in the hall of the front entranceway of my house....my parents had just had new wall to wall laid down .....a grass green, short pile affair......I was thinking that I was about to have sex on the 18th green at The Masters....
We grabbed at each others clothing....kissing, fumbling, cursing at zippers and ripping at buttons.....clothes piled about us like giant poohs from the Laundry Elephant...plop, plop......
Down to our last remnants of clothing....she grabbed my shoulders and said..."stop...I don't want to get pregnant....do you have a condom..?"
"Ah...no" I said....cursing to myself that my afternoon delight was about to be foiled......
"That's ok..." she said..." I will just check my muccus..."
?
Huh...I was fascinated....muccus I thought...what the hell is she talking about...
"What do you mean" I asked...geniunely interested.......(it was an odd pause to be sure...there I was in mid-erection talking about muccus, but being naturally inquisitive I had to know.....but...I digress...)
"Well.." she spoke with some authority..."I take some muccus and put it between my thumb and first finger....I pull the fingers apart and if the muccus is stringy it means I am ovulating and can't have sex and if it pulls apart then I am not ovulating and we can have sex...simple!"
I was dumbstruck and amazed....In my earnest curiosity I asked..."Really....wow...so what do you do....you just pick your nose and check....?"
She looked at me like I was some retard......part pity, part horrified...
"No.." she said....." I don't just pick my nose....."
I was perplexed...where else would you get muccus...perhaps it was my muccus she needed for the test......I asked....
" What...? you pick my nose....?"
"No....not your nose either you dork..."
Ok....I get it now........
Romance is always a good place for moments best left forgotten....especialy when you are young and first dating....(I suspect old and dating will also have its moments....but that is yet to come..)
The first thing that comes to mind is when I was dating Nona....Nona was (and presumably still is...) a really wonderful girl.....she put up with me for 2 years...I was 18, she 17........One Saturday afternoon I went over to Nona's house......There was Mrs T (Nona's mom...) and her 24 year old brother Glen living there......it was about 3 in the afternoon....I went straight through the front door and into the house without knocking.....it was an open and friendly home......In the kitchen Mrs. T was puttering around.....I asked her..."where's Nona..?"...
"Oh hi John...I didn't hear you knock..."....(ok...maybe not as friendly as I thought...) ......"Nona is down in the back bedroom having a nap....."
Bonus! I thought......Mrs. T was half deaf and respected Nona's privacy....This was a good solid chance for afternoon sex......I would sneak in on her while she slept and quietly take off my jeans, I would talk a little dirty...(not porn movie dirty, more sexy snookums yum yum dirty...come to think of it...I am not even sure that non porn movie talk is dirty or juts plain retarded but hey....I digress....).... and then slip under the covers......Oh yeah....
I crept down the hallway with tennis shoe stealth....I turned the bedroom door handle with a slow and steady hand, making sure to not let the handle mechanism spring back.....I gently swung the door open....careful to not wake her....
There she was.....totally under the covers, trying to avoid the little midday daylight that crept into the room ......just a tuft of her brown tossled hair left poking out above the covers.......
I was in the room........I unbuckled and let my jeans fall to the floor....my tightie whities still left on....a noticable manthing pitching its first tent of the day....
I started to coo...first almost a whisper...but it was a definite sexual cooing....I came to the side of the bed and gingerly put one knee on the matress followed by another....(my knees just in case you missed the point...)and then started to seductively slither on top of her.........she stirred.....I place more weight onto the top bedding covers.....placing my grinding hips on top of where hers would be....only now separated by the bedding......more inviting sounds emanating from beneath the quilt.....I continued to talk lasciviously....
With my groin grinding into the covers , my face just inches from her hidden face...I slowly pulled down the the covers from her face....my breath warm on her face......I imagined planting warm, suckling kisses onto her newly exposed neck.....
I inched the covers down past her hairline.....
" Get the fuck off of me.....!!!!" a male voice bellowed...
Omigod...I was on top of her brother, Glen........
" What the fuck are you doing....? Were you just rubbing me...?"
Before I could answer, the commotion obviously alerting the rest of the house, the bedroom door flung open.....Nona' was standing in the doorway looking down at me, I firmly planted on top of her brother...pinning him beneath the sheets...
"John...what the hell are you doing...?" she said.........
Some moments I think, defy explanation.....
I am starting to think as I write this that for some reason many of my Moments best left forgotten are centered around sex or a romantic situation....I must explore that later...
Part Deux
I was 17 years old....
My generation was appalling lacking in good sexual knowledge.....we were schooled on myth, lengend, assumption and just plain old ignorance......perhaps that explains the next moment....
She was only my second sexual partner......My first was Rene who left me for another girl.....not the best way to bolster one's sexual prowess.....but... I move on....
She...and I say she, as I truly don't remember her name......She was a hippyesque girl...long red hair....all peasant dress and patchouli....we were at my parents home on a quiet afternoon.....my parents were away on holiday and had left me to my own devices......
It is interesting when you are young and there is raw sexual energy in the air..... I am not sure that sense of animal lust ever comes back quite the same way...(certainly it doesn't if you marry or are a Catholic...) ....it is a raw thing....and a raw thing tied to total inexperience can make for a heady experience...
I remember she and I being in the hall of the front entranceway of my house....my parents had just had new wall to wall laid down .....a grass green, short pile affair......I was thinking that I was about to have sex on the 18th green at The Masters....
We grabbed at each others clothing....kissing, fumbling, cursing at zippers and ripping at buttons.....clothes piled about us like giant poohs from the Laundry Elephant...plop, plop......
Down to our last remnants of clothing....she grabbed my shoulders and said..."stop...I don't want to get pregnant....do you have a condom..?"
"Ah...no" I said....cursing to myself that my afternoon delight was about to be foiled......
"That's ok..." she said..." I will just check my muccus..."
?
Huh...I was fascinated....muccus I thought...what the hell is she talking about...
"What do you mean" I asked...geniunely interested.......(it was an odd pause to be sure...there I was in mid-erection talking about muccus, but being naturally inquisitive I had to know.....but...I digress...)
"Well.." she spoke with some authority..."I take some muccus and put it between my thumb and first finger....I pull the fingers apart and if the muccus is stringy it means I am ovulating and can't have sex and if it pulls apart then I am not ovulating and we can have sex...simple!"
I was dumbstruck and amazed....In my earnest curiosity I asked..."Really....wow...so what do you do....you just pick your nose and check....?"
She looked at me like I was some retard......part pity, part horrified...
"No.." she said....." I don't just pick my nose....."
I was perplexed...where else would you get muccus...perhaps it was my muccus she needed for the test......I asked....
" What...? you pick my nose....?"
"No....not your nose either you dork..."
Ok....I get it now........
No comments:
Post a Comment