I am ...without a doubt ....someone who as a kid did some pretty stupid things....I don't think I actually set out to do stupid things....stupid things just took place....not that I am blaming my stupidity on anyone else just that my stupidity was not intentional....I am too smart for that.....
As a kid I had a pet rabbit...Nibbles...(after Nibbles died he was replaced with another identical black rabbit who became Nibbles 2...however as a rabbit Nibbles 2 was a pain in the ass compared to Nibbles...who then became known as Nibbles 1...confused..?)
Every morning I would get up and let Nibbles run around the backyard....I think that Nibbles considered himself more of a sleek black low to the ground dog rather than a rabbit...but then again we will never know we will we......
Anyways.....it was the first day of grade three...I was dressed in my grade 3 best...In those days mothers dressed you to impress....god knows why .....as grade 3 has had little impact on my life other than ....well.......ummm....nothing really..
I was wearing the latest in stretch poly pants and a seersucker shirt.......Nibbles was running in the yard and I was sitting on the back stairs with a 3 inch pocket knife...whittling a piece of wood....I had recently seen Ol' Yeller and was deeply affected by the movie....even to the point where I had picked up certain affectations that were in the movie.... such as whittling....needless to say this skill has served me well throughout the years as whittling is one of the great social pastimes....especially when on holiday in the Ozarks.....
I was whittling...... Nibbles was running around getting his morning constitutional......And about a block away I spied a big brown dog trotting along the road....now this dog could not see me and could certainly not see Nibbles....however in my little pea-like brain my inner dialoguebegan to stir.....
What happens if the dog comes to the yard.....?....dogs hate rabbits...dogs will eat rabbits........ I will need to defend Nibbles from the ravages of this horrific rabbit munching dog........
While this retarded inner dialogue was going on I did not realize it but I had grabbed the knife in a stabbing grip and was mindlessly slashing at the air/pretend rabbit eating dog..... in an effort to protect life and limb of said Nibbles.....needless to say.......none of this threat was real at all.......the dog was oblivious to rabbit......and about a block away and Nibbles was happily pooping round pea sized turds on the lawn......
I on the other hand was inner dialoguing and actually stabbing the air/said imaginary dog and staving off the threat.....I was so engrossed in this idea of rabbit protection that I managed to stick myself with the knife well into my thigh severing a small but nonetheless impressively gushing artery.....
Ouch....fucking ouch....(I cannot remember the 8 year old equivalent but I know now I would say fuck...but then.....?)
I had driven the knife into my thigh and up to the hilt of the knife.........I pulled it out....In shock (and bleeding profusely) I went inside the house......My mother was in the midst of bawling out my brother for some transgression or other....(First day of school often brought complex emotions, parents and kids on a collision course...our family was no different..)
I said..."Mom!".....the reply..."Not now can't you see I'm busy"....."Mom....I stabbed myself...!"
A gasp.....a piercing stare from the mumster......"Oh my god....you put a hole in your new stretch poly pants.....!!!! I cannot repair that kind of material....what the hell do you think you are doing...?
Apparently, to my mother.... the thought of me bleeding to death was usurped by the fact I had cut a hole in the pants against the bias of the fabric which meant it would be difficult if not impossible to repair....this of course did not even take into account the ever-growing blood stain......I should have been more considerate.....
"Why the hell did you stab yourself!?"........at this point in the incident it really shouldn't matter why I did it...just that I did do it....and to perhaps move on to Triage or immediate amputation.....but then again......one must explain to one's mother why you do stupid stuff.......why can't they just accept that certain actions are just stupid and leave it at that...why ask.......?....anyways....I answered...
"There was a dog over on Agnes Street and it was thinking about attacking Nibbles and I was going to have to defend Nibbles from the dog....."
"What....where is the dog now...?"
"The dog......?.....the dog is someplace......" ...this is a stock kid answer when a kid does not want to admit to the fact that a) he doesn't know where the dog is or b) The attacking dog only exists in his 8 year old mind.......which of course is the same as point a)....
I guess at this point any parent finally gives up on trying to get a reasonable explanantion for such actions...no answer suffices or explains why their kid is so stupid as to stab themselves over an imaginary dog....hmmmm....
"Ok...get in the damn car........Do you know how hard it is going to be to fix those pants...? Those pants were on sale at Sears and I cannot replace them....."...Now get in the car and try not to bleed on the carpet...."
As a kid I had a pet rabbit...Nibbles...(after Nibbles died he was replaced with another identical black rabbit who became Nibbles 2...however as a rabbit Nibbles 2 was a pain in the ass compared to Nibbles...who then became known as Nibbles 1...confused..?)
Every morning I would get up and let Nibbles run around the backyard....I think that Nibbles considered himself more of a sleek black low to the ground dog rather than a rabbit...but then again we will never know we will we......
Anyways.....it was the first day of grade three...I was dressed in my grade 3 best...In those days mothers dressed you to impress....god knows why .....as grade 3 has had little impact on my life other than ....well.......ummm....nothing really..
I was wearing the latest in stretch poly pants and a seersucker shirt.......Nibbles was running in the yard and I was sitting on the back stairs with a 3 inch pocket knife...whittling a piece of wood....I had recently seen Ol' Yeller and was deeply affected by the movie....even to the point where I had picked up certain affectations that were in the movie.... such as whittling....needless to say this skill has served me well throughout the years as whittling is one of the great social pastimes....especially when on holiday in the Ozarks.....
I was whittling...... Nibbles was running around getting his morning constitutional......And about a block away I spied a big brown dog trotting along the road....now this dog could not see me and could certainly not see Nibbles....however in my little pea-like brain my inner dialoguebegan to stir.....
What happens if the dog comes to the yard.....?....dogs hate rabbits...dogs will eat rabbits........ I will need to defend Nibbles from the ravages of this horrific rabbit munching dog........
While this retarded inner dialogue was going on I did not realize it but I had grabbed the knife in a stabbing grip and was mindlessly slashing at the air/pretend rabbit eating dog..... in an effort to protect life and limb of said Nibbles.....needless to say.......none of this threat was real at all.......the dog was oblivious to rabbit......and about a block away and Nibbles was happily pooping round pea sized turds on the lawn......
I on the other hand was inner dialoguing and actually stabbing the air/said imaginary dog and staving off the threat.....I was so engrossed in this idea of rabbit protection that I managed to stick myself with the knife well into my thigh severing a small but nonetheless impressively gushing artery.....
Ouch....fucking ouch....(I cannot remember the 8 year old equivalent but I know now I would say fuck...but then.....?)
I had driven the knife into my thigh and up to the hilt of the knife.........I pulled it out....In shock (and bleeding profusely) I went inside the house......My mother was in the midst of bawling out my brother for some transgression or other....(First day of school often brought complex emotions, parents and kids on a collision course...our family was no different..)
I said..."Mom!".....the reply..."Not now can't you see I'm busy"....."Mom....I stabbed myself...!"
A gasp.....a piercing stare from the mumster......"Oh my god....you put a hole in your new stretch poly pants.....!!!! I cannot repair that kind of material....what the hell do you think you are doing...?
Apparently, to my mother.... the thought of me bleeding to death was usurped by the fact I had cut a hole in the pants against the bias of the fabric which meant it would be difficult if not impossible to repair....this of course did not even take into account the ever-growing blood stain......I should have been more considerate.....
"Why the hell did you stab yourself!?"........at this point in the incident it really shouldn't matter why I did it...just that I did do it....and to perhaps move on to Triage or immediate amputation.....but then again......one must explain to one's mother why you do stupid stuff.......why can't they just accept that certain actions are just stupid and leave it at that...why ask.......?....anyways....I answered...
"There was a dog over on Agnes Street and it was thinking about attacking Nibbles and I was going to have to defend Nibbles from the dog....."
"What....where is the dog now...?"
"The dog......?.....the dog is someplace......" ...this is a stock kid answer when a kid does not want to admit to the fact that a) he doesn't know where the dog is or b) The attacking dog only exists in his 8 year old mind.......which of course is the same as point a)....
I guess at this point any parent finally gives up on trying to get a reasonable explanantion for such actions...no answer suffices or explains why their kid is so stupid as to stab themselves over an imaginary dog....hmmmm....
"Ok...get in the damn car........Do you know how hard it is going to be to fix those pants...? Those pants were on sale at Sears and I cannot replace them....."...Now get in the car and try not to bleed on the carpet...."
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